Inside The Head Of A Powerlifting Genius

At my gym we expect results.

For those who have not already read my flame-post on Caleb’s “Dead lift for your lower back pain/ vag cramp” article where I plugged our gym, it is CVA Barbell. At CVA we keep our records on a dry-erase board. The reason for this is two fold.

First, it is easy to update your records on various lifts. Second, and just as frequently, we can update the lifters. Few make it here and those who do are expected to show why. This usually comes down to competition. It always does. We power lift, not to receive the largest painted plaster Skulpture of a grim reaper squatting or what not. No, we do it for another reason entirely.

It is a testament, show of confidence in yourself and most importantly in your training. You see, one who feels they have prepared themselves in every possible way will attain victory regardless of the size of the tacky sword-trophy the SPF gives you.

A Champion’s View Of Competition

To Have competition looming is the ultimate motivator. The prima facie reason for this compulsion would appear to be fear of the competition that would lift against you. This is not the case, or at least not to the same degree the true motivation of a meet on the horizon. Real drive comes from having to appear before one’s self on the platform. To have not prepared with the whole of ones’ spirit will render victory shallow and loss devastating.

This fourth judge, the one who could care less about squat depth, has no concern for the press signal and is apathetic to hitching instead judges the spirit of the lifter. To attain three whites from this judge one must have trained to what they believe to be the best of their ability.

Inside The Head of a Genius’ Pre-Meet Training Cycle

(Continued below)…

For this reason I have decided to template my training for an upcoming meet. This is rare for me as I am revered in my gym as a shaman of the monumentally stupid. Seldom does my training reflect any conscious or responsible decision for the development of strength.

In my opinion it is much more fun to fuck-off in interesting ways involving odd implements and incredibly taxing tests of strength. Typically this means three days a week of max effort work and a fourth of come in tired – fail early – get pissed off – storm out of the gym. Repeat next week.

However, following this Mensa engineered training template I can not bare to face myself on meet day. So what I have designed for myself is instead aimed at actually posting a total instead of my signature squat bomb-out.

The “Hitching” Maneuver … err … Deadlift

In the past I have had success with gearing the dead lift towards a one day a week speed single type method. This works best by breaking the dead lift up into three week blocks for as many blocks as you can fit into your meet cycle.

Typically this means twelve or sixteen weeks. For me I will have time for three cycles as the meet is roughly twelve weeks away. The extra three weeks you are having trouble accounting for is used in breaking up three week cycles with a de load week and of course a week with no lifting at all before the meet.

A three week cycle in this template is typically done with some sort of accommodated resistance, be it bands or chains, with the bar weight escalating over the three week wave. An example of this would be a three week cycle of ten singles in week one with you feeling of a moderately heavy (easily tripled) weight with bands. It is important to remember here to be conservative here with the weight.

The following week add a few pounds and try for another ten singles. In the third week add a few more pounds and do just five singles. After these five I like to take a few heavier attempts but none to failure. I usually try for three of these unless of course it begins to become too heavy in which case I simply just stop and move on to accessory work. Next week I would de load and not dead lift at all. The following week would begin another cycle of dead lifting but with a different resistance.

Follow the same template as the prior three week wave. The only trick here is the last cycle. In this three week wave it is important that it is done with straight bar weight and no accommodated resistance. The reason for this is that the last week’s heavy singles is intended to render an idea of an opening lift.

Next, The Measure Of A Man …

With the deadlift out of the way we can move to the bench. If it appears I am explaining my training for the three lifts in the exact opposite order of which they actually take place, it is because I am the most proficient in the dead lift with the bench second and so on.

It has been said (by me) that the bench press is the measure of a man. This is true. So a big bench in competition is simply a must. To do this I have chosen the Titan Katana as the IPF approved gear I will be training and competing in.

The training it’s self however will be far less structured than the dead lift. When using the bench shirt in training I have found that recovery is key. It is most important to understand that the groove of a bench shirt is incredibly taxing and that the training frequency in the gear is something to be experimented with and not taken lightly.

“Shirts, Bands, Chains and Boards — Oh My!”

I have found that one day a week in the shirt is plenty. Typically this is Sunday with three whole days given for recovery before the next pressing day. The cardinal rule for my training in the bench is one which I will most likely break; take it easy on Thursday. With the shirt on Sunday I will be straining a lot with low board presses, touch negatives, and heavy triples. With this in mind it would be smart to kind of take it easy on Thursday.

What I would like to see myself do is use this day to do light floor presses and maybe a little high board presses also with light weight, all for relatively higher rep range. Check back with me after my first double max effort Thursday.

As for Sunday I have already explained that I will pretty much be experimenting with the shirt. This is done by basically putting the work in. Pick a weight I know I can throw up and try to get it to touch a two board. Then perhaps up the weight a bit and get it to touch a one board. All the while keeping track of my records and attempting to press heavier weights.

For those who feel this is incredibly unstructured, tough shit. I have left this vague on purpose as I know there will be days in which the bench shirt is simply not an option and rather than forcing myself to put it on and killing myself to stay on a percent based training schedule I would rather just wait a week and know I can perform. About a week out from the meet I will take my opener.

And Now, The Most Useless Lift …

Alright, can’t put it off any longer. The squat, if ever there was a lift that I hated it would be the squat. It is such a vast departure from the bench, which I like. The Smokey to my Bandit if you will. My plan here is also incredibly vague but alluring in its simplicity. Spend one day a week in the suit. This means straps down and on a box. With any sort of gear on my plan is usually to play it by ear. This means that I may structure my work out around triples ascending in weight or perhaps if I am feeling extra spry I might take a few singles at a heavier weight.

The important thing is to keep track of what you have done. Say for example that two weeks ago you tripled with a certain weight try to beat it by five pounds or so. The big idea here is to get time in the suit. The bench does have this in common with the squat, it is important to put the time in wearing the gear!

This doesn’t mean that the best course of action is to kill your self every workout you spend in the gear with all max singles. What it does entail is that the weight should be heavier and challenge you to move the weight to parallel and back up.

Again, like the bench I will take a opener a week out from the meet but in full gear with the straps up but probably with out knee wraps.

The End?

Well there it is the roughest possible outline for my training for this meet. If for any reason you feel this template does not reflect a good training mentality or a well enough structured percent system please feel free to contact me personally. This is best done by writing your complaints, suggestions or perhaps constructive criticisms on 8 x 11 standard stationary in plain print, placing it in a white envelope and cramming it well into the deepest parts of your ass. I wrote this as a favor to Frodo Baggins (Caleb Lee) so if you don’t like it go fuck your self.

Warmest Personal Regards,
- Jabba

P.S. – Richard Simmons invented CrossFit and is most likely the reason of its unfathomable gayness.