The number one reason why people don’t start on the path to getting something that they want — whether that’s a new body… a new career… a new relationship… or something else — is because they don’t know how to cure fear.
Because FEAR is what is holding them (maybe you?) back. Fear is what makes you think “what if it doesn’t work?”… “what if my friends find out and they laugh at me?”… “what if I succeed and then everyone hates me? I’m not comfortable being the “successful guy”!”
Fear is a killer of achievement.
Most excuses are just fear in disguise:
- I don’t have the time = I’m afraid of how hard it will be to give up the things I waste time on (T.V., etc)
- It’ll be too hard = I’m afraid of committing to something and how much pain I’ll have to endure
- I don’t know where to start = I’m afraid of being a beginner, how hard it’s going to be to learn, etc
- I don’t think that will work for me = I fear trying and failing/I fear being a success/I fear making a change/etc
Why Fear Is (Almost) Useless
Barring “smart” fear (like the fear of gravity keeping you from jumping off a building with no net or parachute) — most fear is useless!
Why do I say this? Because most fear is imagined, it’s not even real, it’s you sitting around and thinking of things that COULD go wrong or MIGHT go wrong — but that you have no real proof WILL go wrong.
Add to that the fact that none of us knows how things are going to turn out in any situation, and you see that fear is mostly just a useless emotion.
And if you’ve ever feared something, then started doing it, you ALWAYS realize the actual situation is a lot less fearful than you imagined it — that it’s not so bad/hard/difficult/uncomfortable/ — and maybe even a little fun!
How To Cure Your Fear
Take Action.
Action cures fear. Conversely, Not taking action only strengthens fear’s grip on you and chips away at your confidence. That’s the plain and simple of it.
There’s two steps to this:
1. Figure out what you’re afraid of and…
2. Take an action to fight it.
Examples:
- Fear of losing your job to the recession — ACTION STEP: start talking to people in your industry… floating your resume out there… and exploring second income opportunities. You’ll feel more secure knowing there’s opportunity out there and who knows you may get an even better offer than what you have now?
- Fear of starting another diet/exercise program because it’s too hard — ACTION STEP: promise yourself that you’ll take it easy on yourself for this new diet/exercise program, that for just ONE DAY at a time you’re going to do it. So for today only, you’re going to make sure, come hell or high water, you get to the gym. When you focus on just one day — the task seems a lot smaller — ANYONE can do one day right? Our whole lives are just the sum of what we choose to do each day, in each small moment because little things add up.
- Fear of talking to that guy/girl you like — ACTION STEP: just say “hi” with a smile on your face. I guarantee she will NOT bite your head off (literally or figuratively). Once you see how nice people are if you’re nice… you’ll build some confidence and be ready to take it from there…
Just Take Action on SOMETHING Now
The key is to do something now because each small, little, seemingly insignificant action step you take is:
1. Building upon the previous action step (small things add up, kaizen principle) and…
2. Each time you do something, you beat down fear and install more and more confidence in yourself that you’re able to conquer fear and take action…
“Do The Thing You Fear The Most, and The Death of Fear Is Certain” — Mark Twain
Ole Marky was right, if you do the thing you fear (even if it’s just small “doing”– a small action step) then you’ll find that your fear will magically die. That’s a good thing.
So there you have it, just two simple steps to how to cure fear — so get started NOW and don’t let anything stop you!
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I must admit, my biggest fear is eating fruits and vegetables. I CAN'T STAND THE STUFF. Trust me, i would love to be able to eat all the fruits and veggies in the world. But the tastes of them is down right awful. I am completely miserable when i eat them. Everybody knows that fruits and veggies are the true diet secret to losing fat. But i just can stand the taste of them. I feel like i am cursed bc the few things that man did not make that are the absolute best things for you is something i truly dread to eat. You don't know how hard it is to not be able to eat that stuff. I do not want to be miserable when i eat. HELP!
im the same i HATE vegetables and fruits so much but there is a reason. maybe you have a reason maybe its when you were little you were ill and fruits or vegetables were the only thing you could eat so thats why you dont like them now!
@ Al: I hardly eat vegetables and almost never fruits. I eat salads yes, and if there’s the option I’ll take broccoli with my steaks/meat instead of fries or whatever because broccoli also is cruciferous vegetable which helps to clear your body of estrogen. other than that, you’d be hard-pressed to find me eating veggies or fruits.
Don’t worry about it
Do you ever get tired of eating meat all of the time? I LOVE MY CHICKEN AND GROUND BEEF but it gets tiresome sooner or later.
@ AL: not really… haha … beef, chicken, lamb, pork, fish, etc — just cycle through them and the 1,000’s of different ways to prepare them — that’s like asking if I ever get tired of eating — so I guess “sort of” is the best answer, haha
Being a guy. I never get tired of meat. And I hardly eat any fruits or vegetable as well. If I could afford it, i’d eat nothing but meat all the time. Im a man, thats just the way it is. If someone is different, they’re not a man but some mixture of boxer-briefs and a sports bra. Do YOU wanna be “that” kind of guy? Then eat your meat and stop complaining about it being tiresome!!!
I am with Brucie on this one
I’m pumped! Recently I started saying hi to one attractive girl a day… I’m going to build on destroying my fear further by going to the mall and only leaving after saying “hi. How’s it going?” to 50 people. In the past week I initiated my first conversation EVER with an attractive girl I didn’t know at my gym. I was scared badly to start the conversation but did and at the end she gave me her name without me asking, which I hear is a good sign.
@ Sean: you are a STUD buddy — good for you
Keep up your good work! If you want to get really good with the ladies, then you could do what I did — I made it a point to look for one girl each day that I found really attractive and go up and tell her!
Just as a compliment, not with a hidden motive of wanting to get in her pants or anything, but just as a sincere compliment — a gift to her — to brighten her day (and it REALLY makes you feel good b/c they LIGHT UP like a christmas tree when you do it!)
Try something like this:
“Hey, excuse me — I know this is kind of random, but — I saw you and I just had to tell you that you’re so … cute!”
And say in genuinely, with a real smile on your face (nothing phony or forced!)
Important points:
1. “excuse me” breaks her out of her concentration on whatever she is doing and makes her realize “hey there’s someone trying to talk to me”
2. “I know this is kind of random” — you’re acknowledging her thoughts that “this is a little different that some guy I don’t know is talking to me–but he realizes it’s random, so he must be a normal guy at least”
and …
3. “You are so cute” I love the word cute with girls because all girls want to be seen as “cute” like a little girl on the inside. Hot, beautiful, gorgeous all seem try hard to me (and many girls) … but if she really is stunning — that word has popped out of my mouth before in this situation — basically, as long as it’s sincere it WILL WORK .
Great job so far Sean, and hope you keep the good work up–keep making those girls smile!!!
Later,
CAleb
I have been working out for about 5 weeks now, i am seeing results like i am loosing weight. My arms are getting bigger, and I feel better, but as i lose weight my chest is getting smaller, should i train my chest more? I train my chest 3 times a week.
Your articles are just what I needed to take it to the next level! I’ve had success & failures in Business & other areas, but you, your friends & my other models have really done the trick!! I really appreciate your hard work & your website is the Bomb!! Thanks, from a U.S. Infantry soldier fighting in Afghanistan. Much SUCCESS!!
@ Raymond: I don’t think training it anymore is going to help it grow faster …
@ Eddie: Thanks so much for the kind words man!
Later,
Caleb
Hi Caleb
First, your ideas to go tell a random, and of course not so random, girl how she attracts your attention is very fascinating. I don’t know about differences (eventual) between American and Western European girls but it’s definetly and idea worth considering. Second I would also like to thank you for your blog and all the tips and all. For me it really has been motivating, I wouldn’t say this if it was not true. Your bodyweight-training philosophy really worked for me, I never could make the effort of going to the gym few times a week (this worked for a few weeks, then failed again for some time, then i picked it up again…..) but some pull ups, push ups, squats and stabilizing ab exercises at home I do seem to be able to keep doing! Very nice because it only seems to work if you keep on doing it..
Anyway I do also have question. Is there a problem with splitting up your training in different parts of the day? Like doing a rung of pull, push, squat and ab as much as you can and then do this again in the afternoon and again in the evening? Just wondering about this cuz people always told me I should train with expanding rungs (a bit more every time) and do the rungs directly after eachother (with half a minute resting ofcourse)
tnx man
and I read you’re in Thailand now: live it up man. Goddamn!
@ Wouter: thanks for all the great comments man! And yea, you can definitely train multiple times per day, if that’s the only way you can keep improving then definitely keep doing it! It’ll help for sure and makes it easier on your mentally, but you’re still gettting in the work/volume, knowwhatImean?
Later!
“Soldiers when in desperate straits lose the sense of fear”
Nice
after reading this article i did the one thing i feared the most and that was talking to a marine corps enlistment officer and now i am on my way to becoming a Marine Thank you very much Caleb!
Holy Crap Dustin! Good for you man — glad you stepped up and went for what you want in your life! Best of luck
im realy scared of EYES so at night i have to cover up the wardrope handles and turn all my toys around so there eyes are facing the other way to what i am! HELP PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like to dance about and sing with the curtains closed on my own in the living room. But im scared something will pop up at me from behind the sofa. HELP ME PLEASE!
Hi. Great stuff. I enjoyed your example of the fear of attractive young ladies.It is my opinion that the fear of the opposite sex is learned in childhood from unaffectionate unempathetic parents. In my case I am still battling my infant subconcious memories of not being hugged and forgiven as a child. It is serious heavy crushing stuff. I can say, WE LEARN SLOWLY. Shopping checkout queues and bus stops are good venues to practice even if it is only taking one step closer at first. These days I stand and face greet perhaps 50 or more people as they come of the local jetty where I fish. How ever the huge step of asking some one out is still a huge step. As a young man I would try to say "Hi", but mostly it would come out ssilent except the times it come out hi pitch sque eky. Bob
Nice