Facing Fear – Why You Need To Do Things You Fear …

by Caleb Lee on April 27, 2009

facing-fearSometimes in life, there’s nothing more important than facing fear … and this short little article will explain why you often NEED to do the thing you fear … if … you want to change your life for the better!

What Is Fear?

In certain situations chemicals like adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol get dumped in your blood stream causing your body to feel certain physical things like:

  • More sweating
  • Higher Blood pressure
  • Your body tightens
  • Faster heart rate
  • Sharpened or heightened senses
  • Even “tunnel vision”

All these reactions are survival mechanisms that our body produces when it feels it’s in fear.

But why do you get them? Well, these reactions are hard-wired into your body usually by cultural and social programming … or in some other way … and they’re meant to keep you alive.

How Fear Ruins Your Life …

  • Fear keeps you from taking action
  • Fear tells you to shut your mouth
  • Fear keeps you from growing
  • Fear shortens your life
  • Fear makes you lazy
  • Fear keeps you from capitalizing on opportunity ..

In all seriousness, not learning how to conquer your fears (not become “fearless” cause that’s not really possible, or even desirable for survival reasons) will keep you from living a great life.

But here’s the good news:

Fear Is Often A Lie!

You’re not really going to die from a lot of the stuff that you fear. That’s a fact. So why fear it?

cute-girlExample: Talking to a cute girl

(or guy for girls, but we’ll use a girl for this example and because it makes me feel more hetero to write about it).

Why does your heart start pounding when you see a girl you don’t know walking down the street … across the room at a bar … or in some other situation — and you think about walking over and chatting her up?

Psychologists and pickup artists say the fear stems from our tribal past where it was a legitamite fear of 1.) if you approached a girl and she turned you down you wouldn’t replicate and your tribal unit would die out or 2.) her big, burly caveman boyfriend would bash your skull in with a rock if he caught you.

That may be true … but this fear of talking to a cute girl is an outright lie nowadays right?

Think about it …

What’s the worst that could happen in this situation?

  • You say “hi” and she ignores you …
  • You say “hi” and she screams “EWWWW!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME CREEP!”
  • You say “hi” and she shoves her ring finger and big engagement ring in your face …
  • You say “hi” and she projectile vomits in your face …

Now, really imagine all of those things and ask yourself …

“It’s not so bad is it?”

If any of those things happened, would it really kill you? Would it ruin your day? Or could you just smile, say “nice talking to you” and walk away?

(And if she projectile vomited at you — don’t you think you could laugh about that later?)

So really, what we’re looking at here is a totally UNREASONABLE fear.

Why are you so scared of really going over there?

The answer is …

You’re Trying To Protect Your Ego!

So the real issue here is your ego. You’re afraid to “put yourself out there”. You’re afraid to look stupid. You’re afraid to step outside your comfort zone and risk getting a little “Emotionally hurt”.

Let’s put this in perspective:

  • WORST Case Scenario: you get a slight punch to your ego …
  • BEST Case Scenario: you meet an incredibly cute, amazing, “everything-I-Ever-Wanted-In-A-Girl-I-Think-I-Could-Marry-This-One-And-Even-Bring-Her-”Lady-In-The-Streets-Dirty-In-The-Sheets”-Cute-Little-Butt-Home-To-Mom”

So don’t you think that’s a pretty risk-free opportunity? That’s a pretty good upside right?

Why You Need To Do The Things You Fear

Often, the things we fear are the things we need to do because they represent the opportunity for the most growth in your lives.

To become bigger, better, more awesome people — we have to keep plowing forward towards our goals — keep striving.

As David Deida says, we need to “live on our edge” never fully comfortable — always just a little bit uncomfortable because we’re still striving every day.

Those times when we think of something we’d like to do, then fear rears its ugly head, are the times we need to step forward and take action because we can recognize them as a chance for growth …

Remember How To Cure Fear!

In my post How To Cure Fear I pointed out the two step process to cure any fear:

1. Figure out what you’re afraid of and…

2. Take an action to fight it.

It’s Time To Face YOUR Fear!

What is it for you?

  • Fear of asking for a raise at work? Convince yourself of your worth and go do it …
  • Fear of starting a workout program? Realize it’s not that hard and get started …
  • Fear of talking to that cute girl? Realize you CAN handle the worst case scenario and go chat her up …
  • Fear of breaking up with your girl because you’re not happy? Fear of being alone? Realize you’re not happy, you have a lot to offer someone (or be honest and if you don’t that should be your next step — becoming more of an awesome person before jumping in a relationship again) and go find a new girl — one that makes you happy!

That’s pretty much it. So now you know pretty much everything you need to know about facing fear, and why you need to do it at the very next opportunity

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September 27, 2009 at 6:51 am

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Raymond July 2, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Caleb…I couldnt’ get past the cute girl pic nor could I continue reading the article anymore…. that girl is just ridonculous dood :O). I’ll go back and finish off that article in a few haha.

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soso November 4, 2010 at 10:44 am

the best article i've ever read in my life

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Caleb_Lee November 12, 2010 at 8:07 pm

Thanks Soso, I'm blushing :)

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dhruv December 12, 2010 at 3:37 pm

yes, one the best, truly inspiring and motivating

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dhruv December 12, 2010 at 3:37 pm

in my bookmarks now, ll need it again

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dhruv December 12, 2010 at 3:39 pm

sorry to leak it, that girl is india's most beautiful and most popular female, she's been miss world and miss india, one the the most successful bollywood actress also

Reply

Keith Weatherby II August 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

That's always easier said than done. I've had a nervousness ever since I was about 13 — and in fact half of the males in my family on my Dad's side has it. I am straight and actually find it easier to talk to beautiful women — although I still have a nervousness but a pretty girl that smiles at me puts me right at ease. However I get nervous whenever I have to do something, such as asking people in a store for something, or signing a credit card purchase. Even signing my name to endorse a check in my own home… You can't just say "you gotta face your fears because fear is a lie, and it's irrational" — Of course it's irrational. It's irrational to not talk to someone because you don't know them, because they don't know you, and a majority of people are just nice. But it's not like knowing it's an irrational fear is going to stop it from happening. I get a pit in my stomach every time I have to go do something in someone's presence, ask for help, or sign anything, my hands get shakey, and what not. I can't make that go away.

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